It doesn’t matter how smart your teen is or how well he or she scored on the SAT or ACT. Good judgment isn’t something he or she can excel in, at least not yet.
The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until he or she is 25 years old or so.
In fact, recent research has found adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part, but teens process information with the amygdala, the emotional part. And it’s the prefrontal cortex that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences.
The connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are in development in teen brains. That’s why when they’ve been under the influence of overwhelming emotional input, teens can’t explain later what they were thinking because they weren’t thinking as much as they were feeling.
What’s a parent to do?
Never forget you’re the most important role model your kids have. Sure, their friends are important to them, but how you behave and fulfill your responsibilities will have a profound and long-lasting effect on your children.
Help your children link impulsive thinking with facts by discussing with them possible consequences of their actions. Doing so helps their brains make these connections and can actually wire their brains to make this link more often.
Remind your teens that they’re resilient and competent. Because they’re so focused in the moment, adolescents have trouble seeing they can play a part in changing bad situations. Reminding them of instances in the past they thought would be devastating but turned out for the best can help.
Become familiar with things that are important to your teens. It doesn’t mean you have to like hip-hop music, but showing an interest in the things they’re involved in shows them they’re important to you.
Ask teens if they want you to respond when they come to you with problems or if they just want you to listen.
Parents have a tendency to jump in with advice in an attempt to fix the problem or place blame. But doing so can make teens less likely to be open with their parents in the future. You want to make it emotionally safe and easy for them to come to you so you can be part of their lives.
Signs of trouble
It’s normal for teens to be down or out of sorts for two or three days, but if you see a significant mood or behavioral change that lasts more than two weeks, it could indicate something else is going on, such as depression.
If you think a teen could be depressed, promptly seek professional treatment for the youngster. Depression is serious and, if left untreated, can be life-threatening.
Teens need their parents’ guidance, even though they may think they don’t. Understanding their development can help you support them in becoming independent, responsible adults.