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Anger is a normal human emotion. Sometimes it is a helpful one. If you are angry, you may be able to stand up for yourself at home or change an uncomfortable situation at work. Anger is a signal telling us that something is wrong, that something should change.
Anger signals your body to prepare for a fight. When you get angry, your body is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, hormones that help you prepare to fight. These hormones increase your heart rate and blood pressure. They help your blood clot more rapidly and suppress your immune response. All of this is appropriate if you are about to do battle with a charging rhino. However, in the modern world we are rarely in immediate physical danger, so much of our metabolic reaction to threat has become an overreaction.
This overreaction is not very helpful if you're angry with your boss or your child. Anger becomes problematic when it is excessive and lasts over a period of time. Chronic anger appears to contribute to heart disease. Cynical people or people with frequent angry feelings or aggressive behavior receive less social support, report less marital satisfaction and more family conflict. Some chronically angry individuals eat more, smoke more, or abuse alcohol and drugs to control their feelings, to the detriment of their health.
Women often feel guilty about getting angry. While they are less likely to display their anger, women often feel embarrassed about their expressions of anger -- on top of being angry. Research is finding that expressing anger isn't always a good solution. However, suppressing anger isn't always the answer either. It appears to be best (a) to make attempts to raise the threshold of your anger and (b) to learn to choose how to react, without ignoring your feelings or losing control.
Some people grow up in households where anger is never expressed. Some people grow up in households where parents break furniture and neighbors call the police. You don't have to live with either extreme, but it may take some conscious "reprogramming" to learn new ways to respond to situations that upset you.
In the short-term:
- Try to notice when you're angry; don't let the feelings simmer until you explode
- Try to figure out why you are angry
- Count to ten (it really does help); remember to breath
- Get away for a short break
- Try some physical exercise; wear yourself out until you can think clearly
If possible, discuss your anger with a trusted friend
In the long term, you will need to analyze the situation. Ask yourself:
- Is this an important enough issue about which to get angry?
- Am I actually right to be angry?
- Will my getting angry make any difference to the outcome of this situation?
Anger is not an automatic response. You can do a lot to "re-think" how you feel. However, we all need the emotional resources to do that. Sometimes, if we have been under a great deal of stress, we don't have those resources. Sometimes, if we grew up in homes where anger was the norm, we don't know how to do anything else. For some people, as in times of war, anger can actually be a survival strategy, giving us the energy to stay alive. Then it becomes hard to give up anger as a response. It takes time to re-think and re-train our response to negative situations.
If you think that anger might lead you to harm yourself or someone else, call the Stressline at (317) 338-4800. If anger interferes with your work, your family or your friends, and you find yourself unable to moderate it, seek professional help. Too much anger costs you as well as others. You do not have to live with it.
Disclaimer: This material is intended for the purpose of general education. It is not comprehensive. It will not substitute for the evaluation and intervention of a mental health professional.
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