Behavioral Problems Management
Every child has some problems with behaviors while growing up. There are many reasons for behavior problems, but a primary reason is that children have to learn how to behave in different situations with different people. A child’s job is to test limits and rules to see what happens when he/she does. How others respond to the testing behaviors teaches the child about the predictability of his/her world. As parents and authorities set reasonable limits, the child learns to operate within those limits and when that happens, self-esteem and self-confidence grow. They mature and learn by being given the opportunity to make age appropriate mistakes and to get age appropriate consequences. Consequences can be positive--such as rewards, praise and more privileges. They can also be negative--such as losing privileges or time-outs. Sometimes the child sees some kind of positive result from the bad behaviors. For example, if his bad behaviors stop his parents from arguing or get him attention, he may think the bad behaviors are just fine.

Discipline:
The term discipline comes from the word disciple, which means teacher. Teaching is the very root of discipline. It has the focus of preventing or correcting problems and is respectful. Punishment on the other hand usually communicates the desire to dominate and is judgmental; it tends to suggest the deed and child are equally bad.

Communication is probably the most important aspect of discipline. We cannot expect our children to follow rules that they either do not understand or are not aware of. Parents need to develop clear rules and make sure their children understand the rules as well as the consequences for not following them.

The second key to discipline is consistency. Children need to know that there will be a consequence every time they break a rule. If a rule is enforced only part of the time, the child will be much more likely to break it.

Discipline not only teaches children right from wrong, but it also teaches how to deal with conflicts and problems on their own. It utilizes natural and logical consequences. Children appreciate learning how to handle a situation in acceptable ways instead of hearing what not to do.

The best and most effective way to discipline is to notice and praise positive behaviors.

Praise:
Praise is the most effective way to teach a child how to behave. Children will work to please you more than they will to avoid your anger. It is proven that praise will get positive behaviors to last longer than will negative consequences. Praise should be given promptly and directly. It should mention the behavior specifically so that the child learns what it is he/she did right. For example, say, "I like how you came when I asked you to. It looked like you didn’t want to, but you did it anyway!"

To have said, "You are a good boy" in that same situation would not have taught the child what he did that pleased you. And, it is much more helpful to discuss the behavior rather than the character of the child.

Spanking:
There has been consistent debate about the benefits and drawbacks of spanking. Spanking can be an effective punishment in the short run, but it does not necessarily teach the child right from wrong. What it can do is teach that it is OK to hit and to deal with problems with violence. Spanking can also produce fear and/or anger towards the parent. Usually, the child just learns to avoid the behavior if the spanking parent is near by. Other methods of discipline, such as praise or time-outs will eventually help the child to learn self-control even when there is not an adult around.

Timeouts:
Often times, parents who were spanked when they were young may not want to spank their own children, but they simply do not know other ways to discipline. Timeouts can be a very effective form of discipline. When a child breaks a rule, he or she should immediately be sent to a "non-fun" timeout area (like a corner). Usually a timeout should last one-minute for each year of the child’s age (e.g.: 5 minutes for a 5-year-old). At the end of the timeout, the older child should be asked to explain why he or she was sent to timeout. If the child cannot give a reason, he or she should be sent back to timeout to think about it further. This helps the child to connect the consequence with the bad behavior. Children will test the rules to see if a time out will be given consistently, but if the parent is consistent, the child will test less and less often. It is important to remember that the child may require a time out several times before the lesson is learned. But if the parent is consistent, the child’s behaviors will begin to improve. Time outs tend to work best when trying to stop a negative behavior.

Other Alternatives to Spanking:
Another way to discipline children is by taking away something positive. If a young child throws a toy, the parent can tell the child, "Since you did not play nicely with that toy, it has to go to timeout." This would be a logical consequence: it makes sense to lose the privilege of playing with the toy when it isn’t played with appropriately. With older children, parents can take away activities as well as objects. The important thing to remember if something is going to be taken away, it needs to be done so soon after the negative behavior. The loss should be as logical or natural as possible. For example, if the child rides the bicycle beyond the limits, it makes sense for him to lose the privilege of riding the bicycle for the day. Consequences need be only as big (or last as long) as will be meaningful to the child. To lose 15 minutes of swimming time may be very meaningful to a child who runs at the pool; there is no need to be more punitive. If you are dealing with a very young child, the negative consequence has to happen immediately. For instance if a child throws a tantrum in the grocery store, then you can take away the candy or snack he or she was going to get. The older the child, the better able he or she is able to connect the negative consequence with the bad behavior. For instance if a teenager breaks curfew, the negative consequence may be that he or she cannot go out the following weekend. Once again, communication and consistency are the keys to success in this process.

Sometimes children do not respond to the usual forms of discipline, or their behaviors are dangerous or excessive. If your child has behaviors that are persistently troublesome at home, at school or socially it may be time to seek parenting guidance or counseling for your child and family. You can discuss treatment options by calling the Stressline at (317) 338-4800

Disclaimer: This material is intended for the purpose of general education. It is not comprehensive. It will not substitute for the evaluation and intervention of a mental health professional.