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The thought of suicide is pretty scary. It is frightening to have thoughts of ending our own lives. It is perhaps even more frightening when we know someone we love is contemplating suicide. We have all read newspaper accounts quoting neighbors who "had no idea" someone was suicidal or say, "he seemed like a perfectly normal guy." The fact is, nearly always, there are some signs that suicide or an attempt at suicide is a possibility. In fact, most people who kill themselves have seen a physician in the month prior to the suicide.
Clinical depression and panic attacks are often associated with suicide. However, people who are not depressed may kill, or attempt to kill, themselves for any number of reasons. Some of those reasons include:
- Escaping an intolerable situation
- Wishing to join a deceased loved one.
- Seeking attention or manipulating others
- Trying to avoid punishment for a crime
- Trying to be punished for a crime
- Ending an unresolvable conflict
- Trying to control when death will occur
- Trying to get even
- Responding to a voice heard during a hallucination.
There are many factors that can increase the risk of suicide: drug or alcohol abuse, a history of previous suicide attempts, a recent loss, a family history of suicide, and catastrophic changes in life circumstances are just a few. Individuals who are depressed may be at risk, but the individual who feels hopeless is at the greatest risk. True hopelessness can cause a kind of tunnel vision that may make suicide seem the only possible answer to a problem.
Teenagers are sometimes more at risk because they don't know they can survive some of life's crisis. Older people may feel that thinking about dying is also "normal," but it is not normal to make a plan to precipitate death.
Any threat or mention of suicide should be taken seriously. It is not true that "if someone talks about it, they won't do it." If an individual who has been contemplating suicide has a sudden change in behavior, for better or for worse, they are still at risk for suicide. If you have an immediate concern about the possibility of suicide in yourself or someone you love, you may find more information in this Web site by clicking "Crisis."
On the bright side (and there is a bright side), suicidal thoughts and feelings are almost always time-limited. Usually, our bodies and minds will not tolerate feeling truly suicidal for a long period of time. We will either act on the feelings or start to feel better after a few hours or a few days. If the individual can make it through that time-limited suicidal crisis, he or she can usually find ways to cope. "Stalling" works. Stall yourself if you are suicidal; delay your friend or family member any way you can. The body's natural desire to heal will almost always kick in with time.
Here are some guidelines for friends and family of suicidal individuals:
- When someone talks to you about suicide, always take him or her seriously. Your concern will not plant the idea in his or her head.
- Never ridicule a suicide threat.
- Don't say "go ahead and do it," even in frustration; sometimes suicidal thinking can be circular and utterly lacking in common sense; it doesn't mean the individual isn't serious.
- Don't try to be your friend or relative's psychotherapist.
- It does no good to argue the comparative merits of living and dying. Your attitude should be that your friend or relative must live.
- Avoid clichés. Time may not heal all wounds. You may not know just how they feel.
- Be ready to listen. Be interested and firm. Make a date in the future with your friend/relative.
- If you think your friend or relative may kill himself at any moment, get him or her to professional help any way you can.
- Don't hesitate to get involved. You may antagonize them, but you are in a position to save a life and you are obligated to intervene.
- It's always worth a try. Even if your friend or relative succeeds in ending his life, you will have done all you can to help ease the pain.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, or you have a friend or relative who is suffering from suicidal thoughts, do not delay. Contact the Stressline at (317) 338-4800.
Disclaimer: This material is intended for the purpose of general education. It is not comprehensive. It will not substitute for the evaluation and intervention of a mental health professional.
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